Brazilian Heartbreak
I am on the phone with a vendor on Wednesday when my mobile rings. CallerID tells me it is Michelle calling from Rio. I hastily get off the phone; Michelle is in crisis and need to be there for her.
A week or so earlier she had called in a state. Her job takes her all over Latin America, where she helps natural resource companies mine their deposits more effectively. She was able return early from her trip and she had eagerly traveled to the local yacht club to pleasantly surprise her beau Andrew on his boat. Andrew and she have been dating for 8 years, yet he is still married to his (supposedly) estranged wife who lives in the Cayman Islands. I have always referred to him as Randy Andy, because of his commitment phobia. I am convinced that he has not filed for divorce because it would force him to declare his intentions with Michelle.
You probably already know where this is going… yes, Michelle ended up being the one surprised; there were two pairs of sandals on the deck, and when she lifted the hatch there was definitely a woman's figure in the bed next to Andy. It turns out that he had flown in an Chilean woman and she had been living on the boat with him for a month.
"What am I going to do" she had cried on the phone.
I am fiercely protective of Michelle so I tell her it is good riddance. I grew up with her, and had a huge crush on her before her family emigrated to Vancouver. We have grown closer over the years, but the one time we met, in NYC in 2002 she was a right bitch and it told her as much.
This time she asks a different question. "If he asks, begs or pleads for forgiveness should I let him back into my life?" She had invited him to her company's retreat in Isla Margarita, Venezuela, and for appearances sake still wanted to go with him.
"To answer that question I will have to tell you what I think, which may not be what you want to hear" I tell her.
She urges me to continue.
"You finding him with that floozy was probably the best thing that happened to you. It has forced you to do something that you were powerless to do prior to that." I went on to recount the many conversations we had shared about her desire for marriage and kids, needs of hers that he was not even remotely interested in meeting. "Take this opportunity to rinse him from your life and start anew. It will hurt for a while, but we're human and we all heal."
We talk for a while about how she is 38 her chance of having a child is going to soon come to an end. If she cuts Andrew loose she will likely mourn the end of the relationship for a year, meet someone else and date for at least a year before possibly choosing to try to become pregnant at 40. "If you want a child, as you do, Andrew is your best bet if he is willing to commit to you, which he has not been able to yet. If you did make up you would probably take a few months to heal from this rift. You could be trying to get pregnant in 3 months."
As I say this I cannot help but think about the parallels between her situation and Dara's. All along she has been far readier for a deeper relationship than I have. I was surprised at the level of my emotional attachment to her when we had our blow up this week. I know that if I was Dara's friend I would be giving her the same advice that I gave Michelle. Take this opportunity and run, he does not deserve you.
Mmmm. I should listen to myself and hold onto what is the best thing that I have had in ages.
A week or so earlier she had called in a state. Her job takes her all over Latin America, where she helps natural resource companies mine their deposits more effectively. She was able return early from her trip and she had eagerly traveled to the local yacht club to pleasantly surprise her beau Andrew on his boat. Andrew and she have been dating for 8 years, yet he is still married to his (supposedly) estranged wife who lives in the Cayman Islands. I have always referred to him as Randy Andy, because of his commitment phobia. I am convinced that he has not filed for divorce because it would force him to declare his intentions with Michelle.
You probably already know where this is going… yes, Michelle ended up being the one surprised; there were two pairs of sandals on the deck, and when she lifted the hatch there was definitely a woman's figure in the bed next to Andy. It turns out that he had flown in an Chilean woman and she had been living on the boat with him for a month.
"What am I going to do" she had cried on the phone.
I am fiercely protective of Michelle so I tell her it is good riddance. I grew up with her, and had a huge crush on her before her family emigrated to Vancouver. We have grown closer over the years, but the one time we met, in NYC in 2002 she was a right bitch and it told her as much.
This time she asks a different question. "If he asks, begs or pleads for forgiveness should I let him back into my life?" She had invited him to her company's retreat in Isla Margarita, Venezuela, and for appearances sake still wanted to go with him.
"To answer that question I will have to tell you what I think, which may not be what you want to hear" I tell her.
She urges me to continue.
"You finding him with that floozy was probably the best thing that happened to you. It has forced you to do something that you were powerless to do prior to that." I went on to recount the many conversations we had shared about her desire for marriage and kids, needs of hers that he was not even remotely interested in meeting. "Take this opportunity to rinse him from your life and start anew. It will hurt for a while, but we're human and we all heal."
We talk for a while about how she is 38 her chance of having a child is going to soon come to an end. If she cuts Andrew loose she will likely mourn the end of the relationship for a year, meet someone else and date for at least a year before possibly choosing to try to become pregnant at 40. "If you want a child, as you do, Andrew is your best bet if he is willing to commit to you, which he has not been able to yet. If you did make up you would probably take a few months to heal from this rift. You could be trying to get pregnant in 3 months."
As I say this I cannot help but think about the parallels between her situation and Dara's. All along she has been far readier for a deeper relationship than I have. I was surprised at the level of my emotional attachment to her when we had our blow up this week. I know that if I was Dara's friend I would be giving her the same advice that I gave Michelle. Take this opportunity and run, he does not deserve you.
Mmmm. I should listen to myself and hold onto what is the best thing that I have had in ages.
posted by SagaciousDemon at 1:56 AM
