Every Guy Needs One...
...Yes, and probably every girl too.
For the first time in ages I slept alone in my own bed yesterday. It felt good. I realized that I was "acting out" to try to inoculate myself from the hurt that I am feeling. I also noted that this was unhealthy – too much alcohol, too much carefree (almost disposable) sex.
I had made plans for last night – I was going to take Angie to the sex parties that I had attended quite a few times in the past, and I was then going to meet Carolyn at her house. But I felt terrible…there was this dull ache in my heart. I wanted to be with Dara. I need her. I love her. (That, dear reader, is the first time I have said that!) I cancelled my 'playa' plans.
So, did I call her, or IM her? No, I don't know what to say to her. I need to figure out clearly what I want. Do I want to make a commitment to her and reap all the benefits that come from a true trusting relationship, or should I just walk away, lick my wounds and wait to heal? How is it that after almost a year, I still don't know what I want? I need to figure that out.
I did not know the answer so I called two of my closest male friends. I had frank conversations with them about my anger, my surprising emotional anguish about this whole episode. The both said the same things… "Find out what you want first." "Be true to yourself." It is rare and unusual for my friends and I to have heart-to-heart talks about love and emotions. It is however wonderful to know that they are there for me (and me for them) when we need to talk.
These guys and I go way, way back. I have known Paul my whole life, we were in school together from kindergarten through high school, and then lived in the same towns for 5 years after grad school. We are godfathers to each other's first born kids. Doesn't get much closer than that.
Steve and I met in business school, we bonded right away. When he moved from the west coast to this area he stayed in my apartment for over a month. I love him dearly.
Last night Paul met me at The Campbell Apartment at Grand Central -- which coincidentally is where Dara & I went on one of our first dates. We then had dinner at a fabulous Mexican restaurant (Zarella) on 2nd Ave, and then topped the evening off at the rooftop bar of the Peninsula Hotel. We then took the train back to our suburban city. A wonderful boys' night out.
Yes, every guy needs one, or a few, non-judging close friends.
For the first time in ages I slept alone in my own bed yesterday. It felt good. I realized that I was "acting out" to try to inoculate myself from the hurt that I am feeling. I also noted that this was unhealthy – too much alcohol, too much carefree (almost disposable) sex.
I had made plans for last night – I was going to take Angie to the sex parties that I had attended quite a few times in the past, and I was then going to meet Carolyn at her house. But I felt terrible…there was this dull ache in my heart. I wanted to be with Dara. I need her. I love her. (That, dear reader, is the first time I have said that!) I cancelled my 'playa' plans.
So, did I call her, or IM her? No, I don't know what to say to her. I need to figure out clearly what I want. Do I want to make a commitment to her and reap all the benefits that come from a true trusting relationship, or should I just walk away, lick my wounds and wait to heal? How is it that after almost a year, I still don't know what I want? I need to figure that out.
I did not know the answer so I called two of my closest male friends. I had frank conversations with them about my anger, my surprising emotional anguish about this whole episode. The both said the same things… "Find out what you want first." "Be true to yourself." It is rare and unusual for my friends and I to have heart-to-heart talks about love and emotions. It is however wonderful to know that they are there for me (and me for them) when we need to talk.
These guys and I go way, way back. I have known Paul my whole life, we were in school together from kindergarten through high school, and then lived in the same towns for 5 years after grad school. We are godfathers to each other's first born kids. Doesn't get much closer than that.
Steve and I met in business school, we bonded right away. When he moved from the west coast to this area he stayed in my apartment for over a month. I love him dearly.
Last night Paul met me at The Campbell Apartment at Grand Central -- which coincidentally is where Dara & I went on one of our first dates. We then had dinner at a fabulous Mexican restaurant (Zarella) on 2nd Ave, and then topped the evening off at the rooftop bar of the Peninsula Hotel. We then took the train back to our suburban city. A wonderful boys' night out.
Yes, every guy needs one, or a few, non-judging close friends.
posted by SagaciousDemon at 10:53 AM
